Worlds Colliding

You know the feeling… your heart, your head, all reason and logic drop into the pit of your stomach. The onset raises your blood pressure and drops your optimism. The aftermath leaves you feeling beat up and helpless… Somewhere in between those two, you tell yourself to breath, you run through everything you were taught in a desperate attempt to think outside the box.

The absence of life is the ultimate devastation – but dealing with life’s hurdles is a damn close second. Ominous words like courage and strength are tossed around almost effortlessly, but the real meaning of those words is near impossible to fathom at that moment. How do you deal with news that’s life-altering but not life-ending? When you can’t get past the twisted stomach, the tsunami in your brain – how do you become a survivor of bad news? Some people turn to faith, others turn to chemical numbness. Some get up and trudge on without even stopping to dust themselves off. And yet there are others that simply give in, curl up and mentally disappear. But the fact of the matter is - something will happen.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice things, events, and even dreams because of life’s setbacks. How do you focus on the little good things that will have to carry you through the larger bleak picture? If the pieces don’t even look like they’re from the right puzzle, how can you create a picture out of it? Where do these heroes we hear of find the strength to overcome obstacles? When you don’t have money to hire help and family means everything to you, where do you find that inner strength to put everything on hold and step up to the plate? How do you stay focused on the many good years to come when the near future feels like a solid concrete wall in your way?

I guess you step back, swallow hard and look for guidance. Somewhere… somehow. You tackle what you can one piece at a time. You do your best to look to your family for support, and most importantly- you laugh. You try to explore new, simpler opportunities to have more fun than you would normally. You overcompensate in the simpler pleasures hoping it overflows into the rest of your life, and in a sense, you deceive yourself. You allow yourself 15 minutes of pity party when your thoughts take over your mood, then you force yourself to continue to reach into your right brain to find that motivation to get back on track. You fight against the urge to withdraw from all those who love you and you remember to hug when you really want to lash out. You tell yourself that the future will be brighter after it’s all said and done. You stop asking “why bother” and “is it even worth it” and you focus on new dreams. You stop punishing yourself for what is already done and begin strategically laying out how to unfold a future that is better and brighter than the course you were originally on.

Here’s some ideas that a few of us have tried. If you find yourself at an event that probably wouldn’t have been your first choice (like a grunge concert), try to find one thing positive about it to really enjoy your outing – like an instrument that sounds good to you and focus on just that sound… If your days of spa pampering have disappeared into a thing of the past, try to enjoy your routine haircut for the refreshing affect it can have. If you find that your spoiled pooch now has to be bathed at home rather than at the Doggie Style Salon, make a bonding event of it – let your daughter take a swim with the puppy as they both work the lather into crazy bubbles.

You find acceptance within yourself and don’t ever admit defeat. You force a smile in the midst of it all and eventually that smile will come naturally once again. Then you reach for the TUMS and begin again.

Waves of Life

We are so much like waves in a countless number of ways. Not just in strength, determination & consistency. We embrace and at the same time recoil. We reach out to the white sand and retract as we get there. We know what we want but hesitate along the way.

Have you ever observed a child growing up? They feel safe and begin to explore. They go further until the vulnerability sets in then they return to the safety of their home. Like waves in a rising tide, a little further each time. Stretch. Reach. Achieve. Regroup.

Adults are the same. Some adults choose to live like a tide pool, reaching a bit, then swirling aimlessly without stretching themselves any further. Others are like a tsunami, stretching too far, too hard, too fast causing devastation in their wake.

Life is a beautiful harmony of wavelike motions. Caress the sand, take calculated risks. Don't take your goals by storm then fizzle out to nothing after something gets in your way. Don't destroy those bridges that have gotten you this far! Set goals and reach for them. Regroup. Try again. Stretch.

Fears, insecurities, excuses all hold us back from reaching our goals, dreams & potential. Admit your fear and your dream. Glide up onto the beach. Focus on your dream. Regroup when you go astray. Try again. Over and over, flowing closer to your goal. Up onto the beach further and further toward your goal each time.

Take the opportunities afforded to you and carve your path. Build your own castle grain by grain. Don't give up. Be the waves- relentless and strong! Stretch, reach, achieve, regroup.

Giving Back...

We often hear that it’s good to give back… to humanity, to your neighborhood, to a family member or friend. We’ve been hearing a lot lately about sending donations to Haiti. The devastation there was immense, but then we look around our own cities and realize that there’s also a different type of devastation within our own communities it’s a lot to take in. Where do we begin to right the abundance of wrongs? How do we, as individuals, tackle these hardships? Are the people most affected even helping themselves or do they even want our help? How do we decide which hardship warrants what little extra time, money or energy we may have available to give?

Sometimes we give out of obligation or because of a disaster, and sometimes because we’re offered an incentive or to make ourselves feel good. Life is full of trade-offs and sometimes it’s nice to do something just because. Maybe there won’t be an immediate gratification other than knowing that you’ve done something for someone else who never expected it.

We’ve all seen the folks down on their luck at intersections with signs. In fact, I’ve heard friends tell me that they help those with the cleverest wording on their signs… We’ve also heard that some of those people actually make more money than we do! What should we believe? Should we help? Another friend has limited strength to volunteer, yet donates money to feed people in his community. He believes that the food bank he contributes to is doing its best to help people. He believes in that organization. We never really know if the organization we chose to support handles their donations correctly or helps in the most efficient way. Oftentimes that thought sticks with us when we’re asked to help out, and frankly, that’s sad.

The decision of who to help, or how, has to be something you’re comfortable with. But how can we honestly sit back, do nothing for anybody and complain that the world is not getting any better? Whatever drives you to help someone, follow that inner voice.

However you feel comfortable helping another soul – human or animal, please do so. We chose to help the homeless people that do not try to intimidate us. We usually offer to feed them rather than give them money… this is how we feel comfortable. Maybe that’s too much interaction for you. That’s ok. How about buying an extra can of food at the grocery and dropping it into a food drive bin, or donating your child’s outgrown tennis shoes? There are so many small ways that we can make a big difference.

This weekend we are working for Habitat for Humanity in Maui. We’re looking forward to this adventure. It’s our way of showing our appreciation for a community that always welcomes us and provides us with creative inspiration. It’s not a lot of our time or money, but it will help a lot of people.

What other little ways can we all help people? One little action per month by 100 people will affect more than 1,000 lives each year. That’s a lot for very little.

Technology's Playground -not just for Kids Anymore!

I'm sitting on a 6 hour flight next to a lovely older lady (did I mention older?) eagerly attempting to figure out her DigiPlayer rental. Now, for us whippersnappers, it's second nature to jab at the small circular power button, plug in our headphones, manipulate the screen-based conventional menu choices and voilà! We're plugged into the virtual environment and our surroundings dissolve away. But what about the generation BEFORE ours? Many from the IBM Selectric generation have no interest in exploring the realm also known as cyberspace, with it's limitless virtual capabilities. It's confusing or even scarey for some.

We raise our kids & teach them language skills & nurture their youthful, artistic talents. But you know, it's kind of fun to have the tables turned & be watching the generation before us embark on a learning curve to master a language/art or virtual community that we've been part of for years. We’ve grown up with the latest technologies; however, these technologies have grown after our parents.

There was a point when I can recall my Mother announcing that she & my father were finally willing to bring an answering machine into their home. Up until that point, they'd insisted that technology like this wasn't necessary.

Since that day, I've seen them dive enthusiastically into surround sound, Dolby digital, flat screens & digital cameras. Technology blossomed and with it their creativity. Through their photographs and amazing scrapbooks, we are all included in their adventures- ambitiously trekking the Great Wall of China, bravely swimming with stingrays or even loping on camels in the desert. What amazing journeys to be able to share with us!

So one day with their willingness to embrace Cyberspace, a wirelesss router entered their castle gates and much like the historical Trojan horse, it brought within it a virtual world filled with exciting, and somewhat scary opportunities. Shopping no longer requires long lines, and the probability of finding that perfect, unusual gift was increased ten-fold. Rental movies, pizza & even groceries can be ordered online. Relatives can see & hear each other for live gatherings while being virtually anywhere, anytime. Amazing how my parents, and many others, have gone from answering machine tapes to iPhones in a few, short decades...

I love the good morning text messages that my Mom has now mastered, the "live" camera phone video feed from my father of my daughter's gymnastics... With the revolution of Cyberspace, the possibilities are endless. I love it that previous generations have their own Facebook Groups and online discussions. No one has to be Lonely even if you're alone. You can always have a friend in your pocket, no matter your age!

(By the way, in case you were wondering, we did help the nice gal and she was smiling broadly as she toasted her success with a small bottle of champagne before falling fast asleep to whichever movie she had so laboriously picked out... LoL )

Pointless or Straight to the Point?

How many times in life have we thought something seemed pointless, silly, or a waste of time? How many times have we been pleasantly surprised or at least able to find the humor in the whole event? A good laugh is very healthy so let’s get straight to the point.

We decided that we would like to meet some new friends (you never can have too many GOOD friends but always be sure to limit the number of energy-suckers). It is just as difficult to meet friends as an adult as it was as a child. Like children, we spend the majority of our day with a specific group of people, whether that is at work or at school. Granted that with this group of people, you have a minimum of one thing in common and thus always have something to talk about around the coffee pot… but how many coworkers do you have enough in common with to socialize away from work?

OK, so you ask, where do you find those good friends that you wouldn’t mind being stuck in a broken elevator with for 4 or 5 hours? The kind of friends that don’t need constant entertaining or babysitting? The ones that share the same amount of dork factor and similar interests, beliefs, or concerns…

We racked our minds and scoured the internet. We found an internet site where virtualized communication brings about real world meetings – strangers become friends based on similar interests… photography, kids, orientation, sports, etc… Much the same as other social networking sites in that you have a bio and can add pictures and comments, but different in that sex doesn’t appear to be foremost on everyone’s minds – at least not outwardly. Here’s the most uncommon part about it… Say for example you are going to go bowling next Saturday afternoon. You’d really prefer not to bowl alone but you’re a closet bowler and don’t dare let your coworkers know this about yourself. You can go onto this website and post your event. Other closet bowlers, newbies and league members alike then have the ability to RSVP that they would like to participate with you. You don’t know each other and maybe don’t even live in the same town… But you know two things – you both like bowling and you’ll both be at the alley on Saturday. Score! The possibility of a new friend! Technology at its finest.

But what happens when you attend an event where you feel like a fish out of water? OK first off, you can leave – there’s the door, make a quick exit excuse and be gone.

Or…

Stay and try something new. Take a deep breath and look around the room – if you look close enough you might see others with labored breathing or darting eyes. Hey, there’s something you have in common with those folks right off the bat – you’re both nervous! Strike up a conversation… You also might start to have a little fun. (Uh oh… fun AND friends?)

My point is this… make an attempt. Get out there. As pointless as it may feel, go to a gathering that maybe you wouldn’t ordinarily attend. Walk into that room of 50 other strangers, attempt to shout loud enough to make conversation with the person next to you and who knows what will happen. If it’s really that bad – LEAVE… Walk outside, go around the corner and laugh. Have a wonderful laugh that you made a solid attempt. It’s never pointless to try.